The
Empathy Files
-A Personality Exploration-
“Why
Am I the Way I Am?”
How To Understand How One Becomes An Artist
Eric Homan
(Also known as Outsiders, Outcasts, Freaks, Geeks, Losers, Sinners, Uglies, Perverts, Poets, Fools, Radicals,
Revolutionaries, Loners, Atheists, Eccentrics, Weirdoes, Crazies, Criminals, Recluses, Oddballs, Nonconformists, Malcontents, Maniacs,
Mutants, and
Misfits)
Copyright 2011,
Eric Homan
Menu of Contents/ Catharsis
Prologue
Crucial Quotes
The Why
Where Did I Get My Creativity?
The Need to Keep Changing Personas
Confused Dualities
Let’s
Be Honest
Finding Your Role
Models
Origins
of Making "The Empathy Files" About my Role Models
Finding Other Individuals and Learning
Sharing My Influences For Our Empathy’s Sake
Healing Through Another’s Words
What
Also Can Be Learned
The Role Model
V.I.P. List
Written From
Various Stages of My Life
One Last Thing…
Bored
with Living
Passion
A
“Learning Disability”
(Artistically-Inspired) Attention
Deficit Disorder
Looking
into ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
Short Attention Span
Constant Stimulation
Mild Dyslexia
Public Humiliation
Teasing and Terror/
Fun and Games
Teasing – A Firing
Squad
Society-Accepted
Teasing
The
Suicide War
Teased Into Greatness
Self-Expression as “Revenge Alternative”
Competitive Drive
Intense Ambition
Lack of Recognition
Depression
“Depression
+ Happiness /
Creativity X Intelligence
Squared = Genius!?!”
“Fine Depression”
(Super Heroic) Self-Determination
Urgency
Existentialism
Fatalism
Surrealism
Sexual Energy
Solitude
Singlehood
A Sheltered Existence
Hanging Around
Wasted Time
Hunger
Failure
Reacting to Apathy
An
Inferiority Complex
Jealousy
Anger
Arrogance
Loneliness
Pathos
Transcendence
Panic Attacks
Mediocrity
Discipline
Body Odor
Speech Impediment
Acne
Red Hair
Growing Up a “Carrot Top”
Baldness
Freckles
Dreaming
Public
Crying
Running Away
Foresight
Alternating
Accents
Life’s
Repetition
Weather
Mysteriousness
Young
in Spirit
Humility
Pheromones
"Gossip"
Trouble
Hearing
Surrealistic Weight Loss
Outcasts
(An Outcast Amongst) Social Groups
Bullies - “The Value and Lesson of Being Teased”
Bullies Are the Real
Terrorists
High School/ Junior High School
The “Glory” of High School
High School Shelter
Jocks
Rednecks
Women
Mermaids
Peers - A Competition Between Friends
Being Different in Society - The Impetus To Dream
Struggling in Midwest Small Towns
A
Lack of Imagination - The Greatest Sin of Small Towns
My High School Custodian Work
Custodian Work - My Personal Recipe To
Become a Workaholic Dreamer
Factory Work
Video Store/ Library Education
Libraries as de facto Museums
My Library
Like
My Own Personal Library
A Private Studio Workspace
Nature or a Local Park
Mother Nature/ Mother Earth
Yellowstone National Park
Grand Teton National Park
Yosemite National Park
The Aurora Borealis
The Universe
Being Underwater
Roller Coasters
Classrooms
Taco
The Halloween Transformation
Art and Religion
TV and
Saturday Morning Cartoons
The
“Mad Libs” Books
Writers/ Artists/ Critics
-Edgar
Allen Poe
-Stephen
King
-J.R.R.
Tolkien
-C.
S. Lewis
-Mark
Twain
-Dorothy Parker
-Sylvia Plath
-Oscar
Wilde
-William Blake
-Truman Capote
-Jack Kerouac
-Allen Ginsberg
-Charles Bukowski
-Hunter S. Thompson
-Philip K. Dick
-Jules Verne
-H. G. Wells
-L. Frank Baum
-Louis
Carroll
-Stephen Hawkings
-Carl Sagan
-Film
Critics
-Pauline Kael
-Roger Ebert
-Harry Knowles/ "Ain't It Cool News" website
-Clifford Irving
-Hieronymus Bosch
-Norman Rockwell
-Vincent van Gogh/ Lust for Life
-Paul Gauguin
-Jackson Pollock/ Pollock
-
-Henri
de Toulouse-Lautrec
-Pablo
Picasso
-Joan
Miro
-Frida
Kahlo
-Andy
Warhol
-Ansel Adams
-Leonardo
da Vinci
-Michelangelo
-Joel-Peter Witkin
-Jean-Michel
Basquiat
-Annie Leibowitz
-Banksy
-Thierry Guetta/ Mr. Brainwash/ MBW
-Henry Darger
Graphic Novels/ Comic Books
How I Got Back Into
What “Comic Book Culture”’s All About
Key Points for Liking Comics
Arguments For Comic Books
The Maturity and Growth of Comic Books
Recognizing Comic Books as an Art Form
Encouraging Others To Read Good Comic Books and
Graphic Novels
Why Comics Matter
The
Psychology of Comic Book Allure
Exploring Comics as Creative Fuel
Comics as a
Resource for Creativity
Defending Comics
The New Ideas
The Infinity Well
The
Fantasy Element
Do I Even Read Them?
These Discounted 25-Cent
Comics Were Someone’s Soul
Comic Book Healthy Nostalgia Afternoon
Reading
Comic Books in Solitude
Comic Books and the
Imagination
The Grand Imagination
of Comics
Rediscovering Comic Books
Manic
Depression Ecstasy at the Mid-Ohio Comic Con
Comics Bring Back Out The Childhood Imagination
Reigniting
My Love Affair for Comics
Comic
Books Were My Life Preserver
Thoughts from a Comic Book Convention
Comic Book Convention Subculture
Comic Book
Confidential
Are Comics Better Than
Movies?
The
Comics Aren’t Just
for Kids
Comics
as a Universal Language
The
Transformative Qualities of a Costume
Halloween
Forever
Costume
Play
The
Super Hero Costume: Comics Are Basically
Nudie Books in Spandex Drag
Comics
Can Be Sexy
Comic Book as Fetish
Magazines
Comics’ Superhero
Sexual Fetishists!
Super
Hero Comic Books: PG-Rated Pornography for Hormone-Raging Adolescents
Why Comics Are Porn for Adolescent Males
A Nostalgic Passion
for Comic Book Women
Spandex-Costumed
Love
The
Female Comic Book Super Hero/ Super Villain
Duality of the Costumed “Villainess”
Comic Books and Their
9/11 Connection
Accidental
Comic Book Prophecies – “The John Byrne Curse”
Pick Your Addiction: Collecting
Comics or Alcoholism?
Comic Book Trappings
Graphic Novel/ Comic Book/ Cartoon Writers/ Artists/ Animators
-Alan Moore/ “Swamp Thing”, “V for
Vendetta”, “Watchmen”, “Miracleman”
-Neil Gaiman/ “The Sandman”,
“Miracleman”
-Dave McKean/ “The Sandman”
-Chris Claremont/ “The Uncanny X-Men”
-John
Byrne/ “Fantastic Four”, “Alpha Flight”, “The Sensational She-Hulk”, “Next Men”
-Frank Miller/ “Daredevil”, “The Dark Knight
Returns”, “
-Stan Lee/ “Spider-Man”, “Hulk”, “X-Men”, “Thor”,
“Captain America”, “Fantastic Four”, etc. (The Marvel Superhero Characters)
-Jack Kirby/ “Fantastic Four”, “Hulk”, “X-Men”,
“Thor”, “Captain America”, etc. (The Marvel Superhero Characters)
-Scott McCloud/ “Understanding Comics”,
“Zot!”
-Grant Morrison/ “Animal Man”, “Doom
Patrol”, “The Invisibles”
-Warren
Ellis/ “Transmetropolitan”, “The Authority”, “The Planetary”
-Peter Milligan/ “Shade, the Changing
Man”
-Mark Millar/ “The Authority”
-Garth Ennis/ “Preacher”, “Hellblazer”,
“The Punisher”
-Ed Brubaker/ “Catwoman”, “Daredevil”,
“Captain
-Brian K. Vaughan/ “Y: The Last Man”
-Robert Kirkman/ “The Walking Dead”,
“Invincible”
-Glenn
Fabry/ “Preacher”, “Hellblazer”
-Brian
Bolland/ “The Killing Joke”
-Frank Frazetta
-Simon Bisley/ “Doom Patrol”/ “Lobo”
-Peter David/ “The Incredible Hulk”, “Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man”
-Jeff Smith/ “Bone”
-Brian Michael Bendis/ “Ultimate
Spider-Man”, “Daredevil”, “Powers”, “New Avengers”
-Paul Chadwick/ “Concrete”
-Mike Mignola/ “Hellboy”
-Bill
Sienkiewicz
-Todd
McFarlane/ “Spawn”
-Craig Thompson/ “Blankets”
-Brian
Wood/ “DMZ”, “DEMO”
-Moebius
-Katsuhiro Otomo/ “Akira”
-Daniel Clowes/ “Eightball”, “Ghost World”
-Adrian Tomine/ “Optic
Nerve”
-Gary Larson/ “The Far Side
-Gahan Wilson
-Bill Watterson/ “Calvin and Hobbes”
-Dr. Seuss
-Matt Groening/ “Life Is Hell”/ “The Simpsons”
-Mike Judge/ “King of the Hill”,
“Beavis and Butthead”
-Trey Parker & Matt Stone/ “
-Charles M. Schulz/ “Peanuts”
- R. Crumb (Robert Crumb)/ Crumb
-Harvey Pekar/ “American Splendor”
-Art Spiegelman/ “Maus”
-Terry
Moore/ “Strangers in
-Sergio Aragones
-Walt Disney
-Ollie Johnson & Frank Thomas
-
-Max Fleisher
-Jan
Svankmajer
-Ray Harryhausen
-Bruce Bickford
-Nick Park/ Peter Lord/ Aardman Animation
-Superheroes
-Catwoman
-Batman
-The Joker
-Superman
-The Punisher
-X-Men
-Wolverine
-Mystique
-Firestar
-Daredevil
-Elektra
-Hulk
-Spider-Man
-Dream/ Morpheus/ “The Sandman”
-Death
-Delirium
-Swamp Thing
-Preacher
-Hellblazer
-Animal Man
-Doom Patrol
-Miracleman
-Concrete
-Dazzler
-Rogue
-The Black Cat
-Black Widow
-Diamondback
-Spider-Woman
-Green Arrow
-The Phantom Stranger
-Wonder Woman
-Zatanna
-Ariel, The Little
Mermaid
Music
The Melodic Addiction
My Music Connections
Music
vs. Drugs
It's My
High
Emotional
Uplift
You’re Got to Love
Something in Your Life
Hypnotic
Music
Freeing the Creative Spirit and
Emotions With Music
Making Night Art with
Music
Healing/ Empathy Music
Music as Release
Sonic Sails
Media and Music as Companions
Music for Treating Loss
Music "Completes" My Creative
Soul
Personal Favorite Music Albums
The Music
Memories
Expanding My Diversity
Music
Collection Personality Test
The
Death of a Parent of Musicians
Being in the Right Mood
The Sleazy Side of Musicians
-Björk/
The Sugarcubes
-Nine Inch Nails/ Trent Reznor
-David Bowie/ “Ziggy Stardust”/
“Alladin Sane”
-Brian Wilson/ The Beach Boys
-Bob Dylan
-Tori Amos
-Janis Joplin
-Public Enemy
-Jimi Hendrix
-The Doors/ Jim Morrison/ The Doors
-Bob Marley
-Sting/ The Police
-Frank Zappa
-Fiona Apple
-Jeff Buckley
-Tupac Shakur
-Nick Drake
-Lou Reed/ The Velvet Underground
-Laurie Anderson
-Pearl Jam/ Eddie Vedder
-Eric Clapton/ Derek and the Dominoes/
Cream
-Radiohead
-Marilyn
Manson
-The Grateful Dead
-Beck
-Moby
-Kate Bush
-Joy Division/ Ian Curtis
-New Order
-Pink Floyd
-Steely Dan
-Ennio Morricone
-John Williams
-Jerry Goldsmith
-The Rolling Stones
-Miles Davis
-R.E.M./ Michael Stipe
-Fleetwood Mac
-Steve Nicks
-Michael
Jackson
-The
Smashing Pumpkins/ Billy Corgan
-Bruce
Springsteen
-Ludwig van Beethoven
-Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
-Tom Waits
-Joni Mitchell
-The Flaming Lips
-Aerosmith
-Tammy Wynette
-Marvin Gaye
-Johnny Cash
-Billy Joel
-Pulp
-Peter Gabriel
-Bryan Ferry/ Roxy Music
-Patsy Cline
-Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
-Iggy Pop
-Led Zeppelin
-Genesis
-Phil
Collins
-Sheryl Crow
-The
Eagles
-Don Henley
-Stevie Wonder
-Eminem
-The Pretenders/ Chrissie Hynde
-Alice Cooper
-Simon and Garfunkel
-Paul Simon
-Dave Matthews Band
-Jane’s Addiction/ Perry Farrell/ Porno for Pyros
-P.J. Harvey
-Elvis Costello
-Cyndi Lauper
-The Who
-Aimee Mann/ ‘Til
Tuesday
-Sex Pistols
-The Clash/ Joe Strummer/ Mick Jones
-Brian Eno
-Willie Nelson
-Phillip Glass
-P.M. Dawn
-Cat
Stevens
-Tears for Fears
-Pet Shop Boys
-Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
-The Chemical Brothers
-The Band
-Tricky
-Ozzy Osbourne/ Black Sabbath
-Madonna
-Guns N’ Roses
-Garbage
-Husker Du
-The Replacements/ Paul Westerberg
-My Bloody Valentine
-The Doobie Brothers
-Procul Harum
-Urge Overkill
-Red Hot Chili Peppers
-Green Day
-The Eurythmics
-John Coltrane
-Prince
-Randy Newman
-Paula Abdul
-Huey Lewis and the News
-Jackson Browne
-Alanis Morissette
-Glenn Gould
-Leadbelly
-Richie Havens
-Elton John
-The Cars
-Little Feat
-Frank
Sinatra
-Crowded House
-Todd Rundgren
-Matthew Sweet
-Lionel Richie
-Mike & The Mechanics
-The
Bangles
-Carly Simon
-
-Julian
Lennon
-Yo-Yo
Ma
-The Minutemen
-Peter Tchaikovsky
-Folk Implosion
-Crosby, Stills & Nash/ Crosby, Stills,
Nash & Young
-David
Crosby
-Stephen Stills
-Lauryn Hill
-Patti
Smith
-Midnight
Oil
-Phish
-Suede
-Lenny
Kravitz
-Rod
Stewart
-Hole
-They Might Be Giants
-INXS
-Woody
Guthrie
-Billy
Idol
-George
Michael/ Wham!
-Robbie
Williams
-Bonnie Raitt
-Enigma
-Alan Parsons Project
-Nico
-The
Orb
-Oasis
-Kool and the Gang
-No Doubt
-Ryan Adams
-Jay-Z
-James Brown
-Waylon
Jennings
-Ray Charles
-The Ramones
-The Boomtown Rats
-Tim Buckley
-Ministry
-Kanye West
-Portishead
-Wilco
-Metallica
-Mono
-50 Cent
-Double
-Gorillaz
-Nino
-Filter
-Love and Rockets
-Blondie
-The White Stripes/ The Raconteurs/ Jack White
-Emiliana
Torrini
-Bauhaus
-The
Verve
-The Bee Gees
-Queen/ Freddie
Mercury
-Rammstein
-LL Cool J
-Primus
-Daniel Johnston
-Olivia Newton-John
-Lisa Gerrard/ Dead Can Dance
-Sarah McLachlan
-Gary Numan
-Leonard Cohen
-Electric Light Orchestra
-The Moody Blues
-
-Leftfield
-Klaus Nomi
-Orchestral Manoeuvres
in the Dark
-Sublime
-The
Carpenters
-Beastie
Boys
-Coldplay
-Def Leppard
-Israel
“Iz” Kamakawiwo'ole
-Van
Halen
-Duran
Duran
-The Church
-The Notorious B.I.G.
-Natalie Merchant/
10,000 Maniacs
-OutKast
-Janis
Ian
-Jets
-Tina Turner
-Bryan Adams
-Gnarls Barkley
-The Cranberries
-Violent Femmes
-Neil Diamond
-Grand Funk Railroad
-The
Polyphonice Spree
-The
Runaways, Joan Jett, Cherie Currie
-N.W.A.
-Katy Perry
-Anvil
-The Blind Boys of Alabama
-Weezer
-Elvis Presley
-Mott the Hoople
-Public
Image Ltd.
-MGMT
-Kim Carnes
-Bruce Hornsby and the
Range
-The Sundays
-Devo
The Revelation and Salvation of Movies, Music, and
Media on Me
My "Pets"
"Videoaholic"
Expand My Mind
Movies I Adore
Empathy Movies
Taking Notes on Movies I Watch
Notes,
Observations, and Reviews on My Personal Favorite and Most Influential Movies
-Batman
Returns
-Ordinary People
-Schindler’s
List
-Big
-Testament
-Natural Born Killers:
The Director’s Cut
-American Beauty
-What Dreams May Come
-Thelma and Louise
My Academy Awards Speechs
Watching DVDs for
Creativity
Artistic Osmosis from
Movies
Movies as a Medicine
Movies
as Mirrors
Watching Movies to Find an Identity
"Who
Am I To Be?”
Reading
about Other Great Artists, Musicians, and Creators
Myself
as Movie Actor
Adoration of Movie
Actress Goddesses
The Movie
Memories
Movies
Are Never Quite Enough for Me
The
Alluring Atmosphere of Doom
Movie Directors/ Producers
-Music Video Directors
-The 1970s New
-Steven Spielberg
-Frank Capra
-
-George Lucas/ the Star Wars
films
-Alfred Hitchcock
-Francois Truffaut
-Robert Altman
-Woody Allen
-Ingmar Bergman
-Federico Fellini
-Terry Gilliam
-David Lynch
-Rod Serling/ “The Twilight Zone”
-Richard Matheson/ “The Twilight Zone”
-Oliver Stone
-Spike Lee
-Martin Scorsese
-Quentin Tarantino
-John Huston
-Jerry
Zucker/ Jim Abrahams/ David Zucker
-George
A. Romero/ Night of the Living Dead/ Dawn of the Dead
-Tim
Burton
-Ed
Wood
-Terry
Zwigoff
-Orson Welles
-Wim Wenders
-Michael Moore
-Peter Greenaway
-Jane Campion
-Joel and Ethan Coen
-Robert Rodriguez
-David Fincher
-Akira Kurosawa
-Ken Russell
-Sam Raimi
-Nicolas Roeg
-Sergio Leone
-Wes Craven
-Rob Reiner
-Norman Jewison
-Cameron Crowe
-John Frankenheimer
-
-Jim Jarmusch
-Michael Mann
-David Cronenberg
-Hayao Miyazaki
-Roman Polanski
-The Brothers Quay
-Paul Thomas Anderson
-Roger Corman
-Michel Gondry
-Chris Cunningham
-Spike Jonze
-Gene Roddenberry
-Peter Weir
-Atom Egoyan
-Ron Howard
-Kevin Smith
-Terrance Malick
-Busby
-Neil Jordan
-Henry Jaglom
-Chris
Smith
-Sidney Lumet
-Joe Dante
-Alan
Ball
-Krzysztof Kieslowski
-Sydney Pollack
-John Sayles
-Brian De Palma
-Georges Méliès
-Melvin van Peebles
-Stephane Sednaoui
-Mark Romanek
-Jonathan Glazer
-Anton Corbijn
-John Carpenter
-Jean-Pierre Jeunet
-Wes Anderson
-Maya Deren
-Paul Mazursky
-Leni
Riefenstahl
-Gus Van Sant
-Steven Soderbergh
-Dario Argento
-Kinji Fukasaku
-John Waters
-Alexandro Jodorowsky
-Paul
Cox
-Werner Herzog
-Frank Henenlotter
-James Cameron
-Edgar Wright
-Ron Frinke
-Matthew Barney
-Bob Fosse
-Harmony Korine
Actors
-Christian Slater/ “Hard Harry Hard-On”/ “Mark
Hunter”/ Pump Up The Volume
-Winona Ryder/ “Veronica Sawyer”/ Heathers
-Judy Davis/ “George Sand”/ Impromptu
-Gary Oldman
-Tom Hanks/ “Josh Baskin”/
Big
-John Cusack/ “Lloyd Dobler”/ Say Anything…
-Charlie Chaplin/ The Great Dictator
-The Marx Brothers
-Peter Sellers
-Robin Williams
-Andy Kaufman
-Lenny Bruce
-James Dean
-Robert De Niro/ “Travis Bickle”/ Taxi Driver
-Al Pacino/ “Michael Corleone”/ The
Godfather Saga
-Dustin Hoffman
-Marlon Brando
-Robert Duvall/ The
Apostle
-George C. Scott/ Patton
-Peter O’ Toole/ Lawrence of
-Buster Keaton
-Cate Blanchett
-Yvonne Craig/ “Batgirl”
-Julie Newmar/ “Catwoman”
-Lynda Carter/ “Wonder Woman”
-Jeri Ryan/ “Seven of
Nine”
-Dawn Wells/ “Mary Ann”
-Clint Eastwood/ “Dirty Harry”/ “The Man With No
Name”
-Jack Lemmon
-Jessica Lange/ Frances Farmer/ Frances
-Harrison Ford/ “
-John Cleese
-Sylvester Stallone/ “Rocky”
-Steve Martin
-Juliette Binoche
-Julie Andrews
-Sean Penn
-Samuel L.
-Kevin Spacey
-
-Kevin Costner
-Jeff Bridges
-Harvey Keitel
-Billy Bob Thornton
-Tim Robbins
-Bruce Willis
-Ben Kingsley
-Naomi Watts
-Russell Crowe
-Sissy Spacek
-Charlize Theron
-Tom Cruise
-
-Jay Leno
-Bruce Lee
-John Goodman
-Julianne Moore
-Andre Gregory
-Gregory Peck
-Ed Harris
-Sam Kinison
-Kate Winslet
-Ethan Hawke
-Hugh Jackman
-John Travolta
-Michael Caine
-Jack Nicholson
-Gene Wilder
-Kim Basinger
-Kurt Russell
-Geena
Davis
-Eddie Murphy
-Bette Midler
-Debra
Winger
-Paul Hogan/ “Crocodile”
-Peter Weller/ Robocop
-Michael Douglas
-David Caruso
-Melanie Griffith
-Barbra Streisand
-Danny Glover
-Will Smith
-James Woods
-Molly Ringwald
-Nicholas Cage
-Ann-Margret
-Richard Dreyfuss
-Ned Beatty
-Dennis
Quaid
-Drew Barrymore
-Ian
McKellen
-Liam Nelson
-Brandon Lee
-James Gandolfini
-William H. Macy
-George
Carlin
-Sigourney
Weaver
-Jennifer Connelly
-Hugh Grant
-Mark Wahlberg
-Natalie
Portman
-Jamie
Foxx
-
-Cameron Diaz
-Kiefer Sutherland
-Robert Redford
-Morgan
Freeman
-David Duchovny
-John
Belushi
-Jane Fonda
-Bruce Campbell
-Roseanne
-Angelina Jolie
-Phil Hartman
-Edward
Norton
-Matthew Broderick
-Jodie Foster
-Rosie O’Donnell
-The
Three Stooges
-Ralph Fiennes
-Dave Chappelle
-Audrey Hepburn
-Don Cheadle
-Tim Allen
-Robert Downey Jr.
-Adam West/ "Batman"
-Rachel Griffiths
-Christian Bale
-James Stewart
-Billy Crystal
-Matt Damon
-
-Mark Ruffalo
-Gilda Radner
-Kyra Sedgwick
-William Shatner/ “Captain
Kirk”
-Leonard Nimoy/ “Mr.
Spock”
-Maureen McCormick/ “Marcia
Brady”
-Catherine Bach/ "Daisy Duke" of "The Dukes
of Hazzard"
-Bob Denver/
“Gilligan” from Gilligan’s Island
-Michelle Pfeiffer/
“Catwoman”
-Anthony Hopkins
-Bill Maher
-Joan Crawford
-Judy Garland
-Denis Leary
-Chuck Norris
-Ron Jeremy
-Paul Giamatti
-Joan Rivers
Miscellaneous Individuals/ Family/ Friends
-Jesus Christ/ The Last Temptation
of Christ
-His Holiness the
Dalai Lama
-My Family
-Mom and Dad - My
Accidental, Default Artists
-A Tribute to My Friends
-Matt Plotecher
-Caleb Strauss
-Thomas Edison
-Albert Einstein
-Howard Hughes
-Gandhi
-Martin Luther King Jr.
-Thomas
Jefferson
-Barack
Obama
-Harvey
Milk
-Joan of Arc
-Rocky Dennis/
Mask
-Nostradamus
-Christopher
Columbus
-John Muir
-Fredrick Nietzsche
-Jean-Paul Sartre
-Napoleon
Bonaparte
-Jackie
Robinson
-Muhammad Ali
-Mike Tyson
-Malcolm X
-Alfred Kinsey
-Timothy Treadwell
-Betty Page
-Siskel & Ebert
-Maya Lin
-Robert W. Kearns
-Michael Eisner
-Richard O'Barry
And Finally – “Why?”
Reactions and Responses
Think
About It….
Final Word
Prologue:
Crucial Quotes
"To get to the point, I’ve always had what you might
call a ‘mission’ (a real obsession) to write autobiographical work and get it
before a readership. In fact, since I was at school I’ve been determined to do
so - having a ‘communication problem’ such as autism, it’s no surprise I’ve
been literally bursting to communicate all my life... I’m gonna apologise (in
advance) for the long length of this letter - I can't write a short one. Can't
help myself… I was only diagnosed as having Asperger’s syndrome last October...
aged 31... (really damn late), so I’d lived, up to that point, in complete
bewilderment and frustration, and, though I knew I was ‘different’, I despaired
of ever getting any ANSWERS as to why, and in what way, I was different. Prior
to my diagnosis I had written and drawn many comic strips, but had always found
something was lacking... a ‘theme’, I suppose. Something that would tie it all
together... help me understand all the disconnected fragments... (my perception
of the world is, by nature, fragmented) and get some coherence to it all. Then
I got this ‘label’, and everything started to make sense... My life was, to me,
a puzzle to solve. I always liked that line “Every human being has a project”
(Jean-Paul Sartre)... I’m beginning to make sense of my world, and at the risk
of sounding arrogant, I feel sure it’s an interesting journey, and I’m
determined to make it a public one. Needless to say, the need to communicate
and receive feedback is IMMENSE." -Excerpts from a story about Colin
Warneford, a autistic writer/ artist, from American
Splendor by Harvey Pekar.
“‘I
think any tough time you go through, any real crisis where you break down, then
survive, leaves you in a far different place from where you were. Generally, I
feel that people who have been traumatized tend to develop levels and wrinkles
that really add something to them.’ For Francis, this meant adding to an
already active imagination.” – Francis Ford Coppola: exert from Francis Ford Coppola: A Filmmaker’s Life
by Michael Schumacher.
“Wait ‘til they get a load of me….” –Jack
Nicholson as the Joker in “Batman” (1989).
“You
ever get the feeling… that you’re different.” -from DEMO #12: Mon Dernier Jour Avec Toi (My Last Night With You).
“Some kind of solitude is measured out in you. You think you know me but you haven’t got a clue.” –"Hey Bulldog” by The Beatles.
“I’m not a
genius. I’m just a hard-working guy.” –Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys.
DEMO #1: NYC:
“Hey, you ever get this weird feeling that you're different somehow. Like that
you have something special, an ability or physical trait of some kind that sets
you apart from everyone else?"
“Nirvana:
Bare Witness”: “Genius usually isn’t recognized except in hindsight.”
“I’ve written
pieces of the story down. It needed to be told. Even if no one will ever read
it.” -from Avengers/ Invaders #12.
“You
hear things all around you. And the trick is to just remember them and write them down so you can use them
somewhere.” -Carly Simon. That explains how I pretty much work through keeping
an ongoing journal.
The Why
I’ve been
obsessed for several years having people understand me in order to relate me.
I’ve written down my deepest feelings and thoughts to make an emotional
connection. I poured my emotions into the words and art that I create that it
pains me if people don’t feel for it.
Some people come up to me and
question how I could possibly “think up” the art pieces that I’ve done. They
confess that they do the same things I do: drive the same interstates, watch
the same TV shows, drink the same water. How could I possibly be so different
and dream what I dream? I believe I became who I am through a fusion of a
multitude of elements. I had the deep emotions, ambition, introspection,
escapist daydreamer traits, immense
focus, “right brain” characteristics, and (lastly) a workaholic drive that
allowed me to be a good artist and a creative human being. I obsessively tapped
into various mines of great imagination, emotion, and art through movies,
music, comic books, fine art, and dance. It created an advanced and enhanced
fantasy world in me that others can’t possibly comprehend dreaming up.
We all need my guides, my role
models, in our lives. As an artist, I often feel that I’m all alone out here,
on my journey as artist and human being. Throughout my life, I needed to write
down information about my role models because I needed to be reminded of who
has been inspiring me for so long. There are days when nothing builds you up
enough to do anything creative. Being able to resource the people that helped
mold my creative self is integral for me to understanding myself and why I
should keep making art. I needed to know about them in order to thrive… and
survive. They are my life preservers, my creative oxygen, my artistic gods.
They are what empowers me.
So I’ve spent the past four
years compiling together this massive paper that explores and reveals my own
personal role models. I’ve found it very useful not just for a better
understanding of myself, but for other people to find a way to articulate and
define themselves as well. It is a teaching method in itself.
Where Did I Get My Creativity?
12-20-03: I must admit that neither of my parents were
artists in a “creative” or “imaginative” sort of way in which I could have
inherited these qualities from. Also, I didn’t have any creative aunts or
uncles, except for my aunt Lorna (my mother’s sister) who painted portraits and
flowers from time to time. So being a creative kid growing up made me feel
somewhat alienated since I didn’t have someone to look up to in a visionary
artist sense. My oldest sister, Lara, had very good artistic skills, though she
didn’t fully develop them past seventh grade art classes and 4-H. I knew I
wanted to become an artist or moviemaker, but where could I look for guidance,
and who inspired me in the first place to even want to be an artist or
moviemaker?
The following list is where I got my creativity and
inspiration. They are the ones who guided my dreams and aspirations. In a way,
they became my creative family. They are the
sources and role models I discovered throughout my life that guided me into the
individual artist I became. These are the notes
I took on them based upon how closely they affected me or how much I empathized with them. These people are
not who’s “hip” or cool at the moment. They are individuals who will remain
exciting, vital, important, and inspiring because of their body of work that
they left behind. It doesn’t go “out of fashion” in a year. They have staying
power. Their work all had the content and the meaning
behind it to make it last. When work continues to impress for years and
generations, that is art to me.
Behind the Creativity, Urgency,
Emotions, and Ideas
Role models are in short supply.
They just are in this cynical age. You can’t always empathize with or look up
to politicians, religious leaders, parents, siblings, teachers. I know that
most artists are certainly not the greatest people,
but I do respect them as artists and dreamers. The Lou Reeds, the Edgar Allen
Poes, the Vincent van Goghs, the John Lennons: they are my idols and messengers
of feelings, expression, and imagination. I recognize that some of these people
have had “bad habits”, but I want to concentrate on their more magical,
profound, artistic sides.
Sometimes, I deeply wonder how I ever managed to get into movies, comic
books, and Vincent van Gogh because I never had anyone in my youth who inspired
me to relish these things. Somehow, my curiosity led me to the library or a
bookstore where I discovered them. I sought out these places because I was
bored by my surroundings in a small town (sports, parties with beer, high
school). Logically, I should have gone to a normal college majoring in Education
(probably art education or writing) because that was what my parents and
sisters did. Were all those years of teasing and rejections so upsetting that I
didn't want to take part in their world
anymore? I had to find a route through dreams in order to escape from normalcy
and to become a better person.
You may also notice
that my letters and writings come out of my journals. I write them to find out
who I am. They really don't have any power until years later when I re‑read
them and discover how much I've grown and changed. Since you are a
significant part of my life, you have a right to read them to learn who I am,
as well. I sometimes hate phone conversations because we have to keep talking
continuously, superficially about "how our lives are going"
and “about the weather” instead of really dealing with and expressing
ourselves. Writing a journal really allows oneself to come clean with one’s
emotions and imagination, to be truly introspective, and to have the time to
express oneself when one feels more inspired and most alive.
If I made an honest
movie about my thoughts, I would be rated [NC‑17]. It matters how mature
one handles how many vulgar words, sexual knowledge, and dark emotions. Some of
my peers would easily be rated [X] or worse.
I enjoy being other people.
Being only one personality just gets dull and plaintive after a lifetime. What
I come down to is that I feel boring on most days. I want to feel alive
again… born renew. So sometimes I’ll slip into an other’s charismatic persona
just to feel more alive and vibrant. In a way I’m consciously trying to change
my personality so people won’t be able to figure me out too easily. I can’t
stand being predictable. So that is why I keep changing from one mask to
another. Isn’t that what all people do throughout their lives any ways? Going
from wearing one mask to another?
I’ll take on playing Dennis Quaid New Orleans
charismatic cop character in “The Big Easy” because he’s infinitely more
interesting and devilishly romantic than I am. And women respond more to him
than me. I don’t want to be passed over anymore!! I have to be different or
I’ll continue to get rejected. So I take on a role model and alter who I am to
fit into that mold.
Another day I’ll play Al Pacino’s Michael Corleone
in “The Godfather Part II” because I find his character’s power and ambition to
be extremely addictive. I want to have those characteristics as well. I don’t
want to be looked down on and feel nervous all the time. I loved Pacino’s cool
and intensity. He was the boss of everyone around him. (Yet I also took
note of his character’s flaws in losing those closest to him, as well.)
We all take on characteristics that we ourselves do
not possess. Who hasn’t dreamed of being a superhero like Superman or
Spider-Man and wanted to save innocent people from the doers of evil?!? We
identify with those around us that we see as greater than who we are and aspire
to be them. I am a dreamer; and because of this personality attribute, I find
myself living and feeling those characters. Through the power of
my imagination, I can be whoever I dare to dream of being. There is a thin line
between reality and fantasy when I do this, a dance between being oneself and
living in one’s own fantasy world. But it’s more like testing the waters and
finding out if I enjoy the ocean of a new attitude. If I do, I’ll stay in there
and allow the personality to seep into my skin and become part of me.
Therefore, I become a man of a thousands personalities and personas – a living
enigma because I can’t be summed up into one. I am everyone.
Confused Dualities
6-1-03: I think the reason some
people have been confused if I’m actually bisexual is that I absorb
human traits from people I’m around, read and in the movies. With Laurence of
Arabia (as played by Peter O’ Toole) is a role model of mine, I am attracted to
his charisma and his passion. I also take on a few of his other “sensitive”
aspects of his personality. I consider him me. Yet he may be a great homosexual
antihero, but I’m still me! I pick up some of his characteristics because I
admire him, but I’m still not that person. After hundreds of role models that
I’ve admired, I’ve evolved into a highly complex, nearly schizophrenic human
being – a living actor in life nonetheless. I am a Polish Jew from having
deeply watched The Pianist. I connected with the character through a heightened
sense of empathy. Yet what keeps me together is that I know who I am at my
core. I know the simple, raw functionality of my soul. And that is what keeps
me sane. I’m an actor. I’m a writer. I’m a dreamer. I make believe in a make
believe world. I have the power to place myself into the minds and characters
around me.
There have been times in my life
where people have asked me if talent is something people come with genetically
and simply have “it”. I believe that talent is something that is developed
through time from technical training, skills, hard work, and patience.
Imagination also happens to be a key main ingredient to this stew called art. Personally, I grew up in a small
town environment that didn’t encourage creative or artistic development.
Knowing that I was different and was curious
of the arts, I sought out those who might inspire me. I spent months in the
local libraries reading “Rolling Stone”, “Entertainment Weekly”, and other
magazines that were available to find out more about musicians and movie
directors. Once I found the creative individuals that I particularly found
fascinating and had an emotional kinship to, I researched them some more by
reading their biographies. (Neil Young, Kurt Cobain, and John Lennon come to
mind.) Through the creative work of role models, only then did I feel that I
found myself and who I wanted to be as an artist/ creative type. Having just
imagination isn’t enough. You have to focus it. I did so by going to art school
and finding my artistic soul mates.
I believe the purpose of
“Empathy Files” is to show to other artists and students what another artist’s
inspirations and motivators are. To me, it’s like genealogy, the finding of the
roots of one’s family, which happens to be something my sister does a great
deal of. It’s important to understand why one became who they are and why they
even make art in the first place. I became personally obsessed with the paper
because it was a search for who I was. If people don’t understand you, you
better understand yourself. So here is how I understood myself. I found myself
through my role models. I found confidence and direction through these people,
movies, and media.
Through these writings you will
understand the equation that makes the mad-man-child artist in me. I’m Vincent
van Gogh + Pablo Picasso / Steven Spielberg x
Let’s
Be Honest
5-10-03: Let’s
be honest: in my life, one father or, that is, one father figure in my life
isn’t enough. I need a legion of role models to show me the ways in life.
That's why I looked around for so many and took the best qualities from each of
them.
Finding Your Role
Models
11-10-02:
It’s vastly important to find out that one’s own
role models kept sensitive, introspective journals like I do. I don’t see it as
an “invasion of privacy”. I see it as finding one’s kindred spirits and
discovering that I’m not alone in the how I feel. Hey now, that’s art. A book
like “Kurt Cobain: Journals” grants a terrific insight into one of the great
songwriter's of his generation, as well as to what goes through the mind of an
artist. Kurt Cobain was quite an introspective individual and his journals
bring an interesting philosophical perspective on the human condition of being
an emotional, passionate, artistic human being. He examines the unbearable
weight of being. His words are filled with blunt honesty and innocence
that I can't help but feel for him. And that’s what I go for when I
wrote my own journals. They’re a private confessional that I’m willing to
expose to the public for the purpose of enhancing the sensitivity of society to
what it feels like to be an outcast artist.
Reading through
Kurt's journals helps justify the existence and worth of keeping my own
journal. I need to read someone else's private thoughts in order to refuel my
desire to keep expressing my own - especially in a world that doesn't endorse
self-expression or self-confession. Writing down one's feelings is a brave act
that should be encouraged. That's what I'm getting out of reading his journals
- encouragement and enlightenment. I'm not alone in how I think and feel. That
makes me feel better.
Many of Nirvana’s lyrics came from Kurt’s journals.
Reading his journals is a fascinating sneak peek into the creative, “deranged”
mind of a genius.
“If you read, you’ll judge”…
"Don't read my diary when I'm gone”… “Ok, I'm going to work now, when you
wake up this morning, please read my diary. Look through my things, and figure
me out."--Kurt
Origins
of Making "The Empathy Files" About my Role Models
12-24-02: I’ve
found a lot of comfort and pleasure in compiling this “Role Models” compilation
writing since I’ve been able to root through my journals and use the exerts and
notes I took on those who influenced me along the way of life. It justifies all
the time I spent on writing and organizing those words and feelings in the
first place throughout the years of my life.
5-1-04:
What makes me feel even worse is to be around
people who I don’t feel “good” around and I sense that I am wasting my time by
being with them. They are not driven by dreams, but my vulgarity and sexual
pursuits. That’s a major dilemma for me if I’m around people who don’t know how
or care to dream. And it’s because of this that I don’t relate to adulthood.
I’m a 27-year-old child with dreams. It’s my curse as well as my gift. That’s
why I’m so attracted to these various artists, actors, musicians, and film
directors such as Björk, Andy Kaufman, Steven Spielberg, Neil Young, Salvador
Dali, and John Lennon. They’re the dreamers who still have something to believe
in besides screwing, making babies, and small talking. I compulsively watch
movies because they are a retreat, a vacation to places where I can hang out
with other dreamers. I feel that I have at least tried to make the best
of the life that I’ve been given.
Finding Other Individuals and
Learning
7-15-03: I
am not like everyone else. Hence, I’ve lived with a certain degree of
loneliness and isolation. I’m so different that I need the company of those who
feel like I feel. This compilation of role models is a reference not just for
myself, but for others as well so they can understand my actions and
personality better. I desperately want people to empathize with me and see my
point of view better. This is an essay to gain and heighten people’s
sensitivity. I haven’t acted the way others do in life. I’ve been
unconventional to the point where I haven’t fit into any one category besides
that of “artist”. These are my inspirations and lifesavers. They are the people
who have elevated my self-esteem during times of confusion. I feel that I’ve
done the right thing with my life through having learned from their lives,
words, images, and songs. Its taken courage to be an individual and be
independent in a society where 99.999% of the population does what everyone
else does. It’s like living in a world of clones, and you’re an alien.
How do you deal with “genius”
when no one else recognizes it except you? I read about other geniuses and find
out how they coped with living their lives, both professionally and personally.
Some people might call this activity anti-social. I consider it deeply
meaningful.